What if my partner doesn't want to come to couples counseling?
Certainly couples counseling when both parties are present is ideal. But what if one of you doesn't think there is a problem (not unusual) or thinks that couples should solve there own problems (not unusual either)?
The good news is you don't have to wait for your partner to agree to come to counseling in order for the relationship--straight or same-gender-- to get better.
For more than 30 years I have been helping marriages improve when one open and willing partner comes to counseling. Yes, it's true. It's not my preference because two people make a relationship. But when your partner won't come to couples counseling, it's far better than nothing.
The goal for couples counseling is the same whether one person is present or both: to help you create a healthy, loving relationship.
How would it work? You share your story--how you met, how you fell in love, why you formed a relationship--all from your perspective. As well, you share your concerns, the gripes you have and what you have tried to do to make things better.
I will listen to you with an open, unbiased mind. But I won't tell you that you are "right" or he/she is "wrong". I also won't tell you whether you should go or stay. That would be disrespectful.
With couples counseling for "one", you are not the only client-- it's you and your relationship. I want your relationship to be happier and my job is to identify ways you can react differently in your relationship--to break the repetitive patterns that keep you both stuck. This does not mean you're wrong and the other is right. It also doesn't mean you should act inauthentically. What it means is that any situation has multiple perspectives and the ones you've adopted aren't working. So let's see what else is available.
You see, couples counselors are good at this because we are not in the thick of your issues and can have an unbiased perspective. We help you find answers and new ways of thinking, communicating and acting in your relationship.
And, because a relationship is a system of action-reaction, when you find new, healthy, appropriate, respectful, options for your reactions----then get this--- the system, your marriage changes. It has to.
So if you are tired of trying to talk your partner into couples counseling, if you have pleaded and threatened---then please call or email and make an appointment for you and your relationship.
If not now, when?